The Truth As I Know It

[Young Adult Historical Fiction]

Dear Editor:

When a murder shakes the tiny farming community of Golden Oaks during the throes of the Great Depression, seventeen-year-old Catherine McBride finds herself looking over her shoulder more often than she cares to admit, wondering who could be capable of such a crime.

On a routine errand to the train station, Catherine meets a young rail rider named Patrick. Although hitchhiking by rail doesn’t earn him a warm welcome in any town, his knack for winning fistfights and reciting poetry leave Catherine curious to find out more about him—especially when she discovers his unique qualities stem from a very surprising, and aristocratic, past.

After Patrick is hired to help with odd jobs around her rundown farm, Catherine’s overbearing mother promptly forbids her from socializing with him. Even her boy-crazy best friend has heard stories about drifters and assumes he is dangerous. Soon, the town’s paranoia reaches a peak and so does their prejudice. Blinded by rumors, they fail to see the caring and intelligent side of Patrick that Catherine has. She is convinced that he is the most thoughtful man she’s ever met. This instinct compels her to go against their warnings, and even her own responsible nature, to sneak out and secretly meet with him.

The opinions of family and friends aren’t all Catherine has to worry about. After finding three anonymous notes warning her of danger, she can no longer endure the prejudice which threaten to destroy their relationship. But does Catherine trust Patrick enough to let love take its course? Or will she lose him forever, and spend the rest of her life regretting it.

THE TRUTH AS I KNOW IT is historical fiction, and is complete at 70,000 words.

Thank you for your time and consideration.


Sincerely,

Stephanie Sims

[ella]

Alas, I'm not very familiar with this genre, but this looks like a very solid cover letter for what seems like a typical plot.

A few minor comments:

-- You have a 45-word sentence in there. While it was easy to read, if I were an editor it would make me worried that your manuscript might have some whoozies in there.

- I'd delete the "very" from "very surprising." I'm allergic to adverbs. There better be a compelling reason to use one.

-- I'd delete "She is convinced that he is the most thoughtful man she’s ever met." It slows down the pacing on an otherwise tight paragraph. You can just say "Her instincts"

-- Should say "prejudice whichs threatenS"

[gwen]

Looks like you've got a great start here. The character of Patrick sounds intriguing. I think being a bit more specific when describing him could up the interest even more. You don't have to give away all his secrets, of course. But could you tell what kind of "aristocratic" past, or offer part of what's "very surprising" about him?

Does the main plotline have to do with the romance between Catherine and Patrick or does the murder you mention in the opening factor in? If the murder mystery is central or even important, consider making that more apparent in your summary.

You suggest that Catherine feels there may be danger, but I'd like more detail. Give me the reasons I as a reader should worry about Catherine so I want to pick up your manuscript right now and find out what happens to the girl!

Overall I enjoyed reading your summary. I think you can take what you have here (which is a great start) and make it even stronger.

[Stephanie Sims]

Thanks, Ella and Gwen! Great suggestions!

[Buried Editor]

Stephanie,

This is a great summary for a cover/query letter. I think it would peak the interests of most people, and I suspect you would get either requests for the manuscript or (if included in a submission), the reader would keep on reading.

Like Ella and Gwen, I also think that you should explain how the murder fits in. I somehow get the feeling that the boy is going to be suspected of it, but there is nothing in your letter that says this, and I could be completely wrong. Clearing that up would help keep the editor/agent from expecting one thing and then being surprised if the MS turns out to be something else.

So, great job on the cover since that was clearly what you were going for. However, just as an aside since we had been discussing one page summaries, this is not exactly a one page summary.

A one page summary gives the entire plot of the book from beginning to end. After reading a one-page summary, we would know what the girl chooses, how the murder factors in, and the different decisions she has and the choices the protagonist makes. It's not a place for building suspense (like you can in a cover letter) but for telling the story exactly as it is.

But again, this was a great summary for a cover letter/query.

[Stephanie Sims]

Thank you, Buried Editor! It seems my newbieness has reared its ugly head again. ;D But your clarification on the differences between query and cover letter have helped immensely. I will begin working on the later now that I'm getting closer to the submission process. Thank you again. I love this site!
PS~your encouragement made my day!
Stephanie Sims