MG Summary:Trolls

[nolagirl]

Newt is beast at playing video games, but not so great at school, girls, or swimming. Six hours, and fifteen minutes into the third day, of his seventh grade year, and things have already taken a seriously bad u-turn.

In one day, he's humiliated by Matt, almost bitten by a snake, nearly given a tardy, and tripped by clod-footed Ryan. Now, his strange, new science teacher, Professor Kern, has issued him a two-hour detention to be served in creepy, Drapers Forest. Was this a joke?

Newt hikes alone in the woods until he stumbes upon an eerily, perfect oasis in the woods, and is stabbed in the rear by an attacker that he can hear, but cannot see. He runs for his life, loses his phone in the process, and spends the next few days trying to figure out exactly what happened to him.

Newt questions his own sanity. He's told that Drapers Forest no longer exists. Someone has hijacked his lost phone, and is getting their kicks out of prank calling students at Green Acres and he takes the blame. And when he decides to confide in his best online friend, Zoey, he turns out to be a she. Could life get any stranger?

Yes, it can! As secrets are revealed, Newt is introduced to a cast of trolls. Left in charge of this unruly pack, balls of goo fly and adventures abound as Newt tries to keep the trolls uncanny abilities in check. Too much sugar--watch out! A bite of beef jerky transforms one troll into a zombie-cat,with looking-eyes. All the while, Professor Kern is trying to find a remedy for the ailing Sprite, scout for a new location to move the trolls, and keep away from the two men in the dark sedan that are tailing him.

Will Newt be able to keep the trolls alive, and discover a way to help the professor move them out of the country? In the end, Newt has to literally, either sink or swim, and in the process he discovers he has quite a few strengths of his own.

[ella]

Hi Nola,

This sounds like an exciting and well-thought out book! Also, your tone is great and it really comes through in the summary (which can be hard to do!)

While it is an overall good job, here are a few points that keep it from being all it can be:

Does the book have a word-length yet? Also, I know you put the title and audience in the title of discussion, but remember to thread them into your summary.

The penultimate paragraph was too dense with information. It also made me wonder about the pacing of the book vs. your summary. Is most of the action in the book regarding the trolls and other stuff from that paragraph? I think your summary should more accurately reflect that (Yes, your set-up is great, but some of it might have to go so you can give reader a correct sense of the story.).

Your italics are unnecessary, and some of them are distracting (ie, made me wonder "Why did she italicize that?")

Commas are used incorrectly in several sentences.

[Buried Editor]

Nolagirl,

I agree with Ella about the pacing of this summary. If this is the summary in the cover letter, then the first four paragraphs work fine (although they need to combine into one paragraph). The tone of the summary helps give an indication of your work's voice which is also great. The second bit of the summary, though, is to dense. It seems to take everything else that happens in the book and throws it in as an afterthought. For the cover letter, you could simplify that either by divulging less of the plot, or by streamlining the descriptions.

If though, this is supposed to be a one page summary, then the proportions are all wrong.

A one page summary is an exact reflection of the book -- almost an outline in story form. In your summary right now, half of it is devoted to one day in Newt's life, and half of it is devoted to the rest of the book. I suspect that this is not how it works in the actual book. The summary should be the same as the book. If only 10% of the book is dedicated to the first day, then 10% of the summary should be. Also, several of the events that you gave only a sentence, or part of a sentence to seemed like major plot points. Each one probably deserves a paragraph (depending on how prominent of a feature each one is in the book.) This will help your one page summary sound more like a story and less like the paragraphs in the cover letter.

[bnlippy]

Hi Nolagirl - glad you made it!

I liked the story idea. It has a lot of elements and details going on. Not to mention several subplots to figure out. By having the mysterious forest, you have created an endless possibility of mystery and odd creatures.

I do agree with Ella and Editor. You explain more in the first half than in the last half. But there seems to be more going on in the last half. This is something I also struggle with. Although I think you have figured out how to get your voice to come through better than I can.

Also, some of your sentences don't work the way they are written. It reads like you tried to squeeze in thoughts and separate them with commas.

You have a good start going. I want to see more.