Honey and Boomer - Open-ended Series

[ella]

Totally switching gears now, but writing up this little series has been on my to-do list for a while. Will hopefully get back to the Royal Guide project for the next assignment.
-----------------
“Honey and Boomer” is a concept for an early reader series. Honey is a sweet, yet impulsive little girl. Boomer is her loyal, if sometimes skeptical, companion. Together, they make adventures out of everyday life.

Honey and Boomer in Cookie Time: Boomer promised Honey they would bake cookies this afternoon. Only problem is, there are not enough eggs. Or any chocolate. Honey and Boomer find their way out of each bind, only to burn the cookies in the end. That’s no problem, though. There’s always ice cream!

Honey and Boomer in Pool Time: Honey is heading to the pool today. But first, she has to put her swimsuit on… the right way. And she has to go potty. And have a snack. And digest from said snack. By the time Honey is ready to go swimming, an afternoon shower ruins the day. To Boomer’s horror, Honey has a solution: they’ll come back the next day.

Honey and Boomer in The Birthday Cake Caper: Honey can’t wait to have some leftover birthday cake. But she is aghast to find that the beautiful frosting is missing. As Honey and Boomer hunt for clues, everybody becomes a suspect. That is, until Gram points out that Honey had accidently smooched the frosting the day before.

Honey and Boomer in the Mystery of the Cave: When Honey has to go potty, she and Boomer get separated from their group on a visit to some caves. That won’t stop them from having a good time. But… what are those spooky sounds? When Honey and Boomer run to escape the ghost, they crash into their family, who had been just up ahead. The ghostly voices were just echoes caused by the cave.

Honey and Boomer in The Case of the Dancing Dragon: Honey’s dance class is interrupted by a mysterious sound. It must be the air conditioning, decides the dance teacher. But that’s no air condition. In fact, it must be a dragon! Honey’s dance class gets crazier and crazier as the students get more worried, only to find out in the end that it is just a construction crew next door making the noise.

--------------------

If I may dissect my own work, what pops out here is that the first two stories seem to have very different feel from the last three stories, which are more “mysterious.” The frustrating thing is that Honey and Boomer have very strong, clear personalities and patterns of thought, which is what ties all the books in the series together, but I’m not sure that comes through. Also, the books all start the same way, with Honey being excited about something (cookies, dance class) and having to drag Boomer out of bed. Thoughts? Suggestions?

Also, I picture Honey as a little girl and Boomer as an anthropomorphic dog, but I never spell it out because what they look like/are isn’t important to the plot… but is it confusing to be vague or was it not a problem?

Thanks!

[gwen]

I love that Honey’s point of view is an essential element here. She seems like a fun character that could bring a strong voice to the works.

When I read your paras I wonder, is Boomer an imaginary friend? That could be a nice whimsical twist, but I wasn't sure if it was what you were going for. I think overall it may be important to define Boomer's character more clearly in your summary.

This may be a completely subjective comment, but the phrase “go potty” jumps out at me when I read these. To me, it seems like terminology for a child younger than an early reader would be. This could well be because of my experience with my young daughter (who was and is highly offended by all things she deems “babyish” ). Perhaps we are in the minority on this, so take it or leave it as always, of course!

If the books are meant to have a repeating structure (Honey's excited, Boomer's dragged out of bed) I would show it in your summaries. A familiar structure can be quite helpful to beginning readers.

I don't think you need the ellipses either time you use them.

I love the adventures in every day life theme you've got going here. Best of luck in shaping this series.

[ella]

Gwen,
Thanks for your feedbck.

I like the imaginary friend idea. That's not what I was going for, though, and I don't know that a lot of the plots would work without significant rewrites -- because Boomer helps her do stuff she couldn't do by herself, interacts with other characters, etc. But that would make a cute series, too.

Thanks for the "potty" tip. What do you and your daughter say? Anyone else? "Go to the bathroom" might work in a script, but it seems a little cumbersome in a summary. And "Go pee" seems slightly improper. Do number one, perhaps? (Ugh, the life of a writer/mom ... obsessing about bodily functions... )

[gwen]

Ah, the semantics of toilet use. My daughter would probably say, “use the bathroom.” But perhaps you can side step this issue by being more specific. Could you describe what it is about using the bathroom that is trying for the character or important to the plot? Is it dealing with a cumbersome swim suit? Walking to the facilities in slippery flip-flops?

In the end, this isn't an issue that makes or breaks you. I commented on it because it stood out to me and I wondered if tweaking the language could make your proposal stronger to a wider audience. Also, the issue of age-appropriateness is worth considering. But it’s quite possible that others will have no problem with potty! You need a wider sample of opinions, I think.

[annefrancis]

This series sounds great. I do have a few comments.

Honey and Boomer in Pool Time: To Boomer’s horror, Honey has a solution:
they’ll come back the next day.

I don't understand the word 'horror'. It doesn't seem to fit the situation.

I also agree with the 'potty' comments. The kids reading this will be K-2. Too old for 'potty'.


Honey and Boomer in The Birthday Cake Caper

I don't understand how you can 'accidently' smooch frosting.

Honey and Boomer in The Case of the Dancing Dragon

The line: But there's no air conditionING. is very funny.

I also like the idea of starting each book the same way. Honey comes through a definate personality. Maybe if you mention that Boomer has to be dragged out of bed at the beginning of each book gives him more of a personality (and something for the kids to groan over). (In the cookie book he's the one instigating the action.)

Really, this sounds like a lovely series.

Anne

[ella]

Anne,

Thanks for the thorough feedback! And thanks for catching the typo...

Everybody,

Re Boomer's personality: Change the intro to add "Though she has to constantly drag him out of bed, Boomer is a loyal companion." Does that help?

Changed go to the potty to "take a bathroom break." Does that work?

The Birthday Cake Caper is based on real life (actually, all these stories are) -- someone accidently dropped the lid on the cake, and smooched the frosting flower. Maybe I need to clarify that it was a flower... would that make the para make more sense.

I think I'm just going to delete the part about Boomer's horror. Realized that takes the action and the humor out of the little kid. (But the horror stems from the trip to the pool having taken forever, and not wanting a repeat... Maybe the illustrator can show the shock. Humor can be funnier that way, anyway.)

[annefrancis]

Re Boomer's personality: Change the intro to add "Though she has to constantly drag him out of bed, Boomer is a loyal companion." Does that help?

Sounds better--funny-- to me.

Changed go to the potty to "take a bathroom break." Does that work?

Funny 8))

someone accidently dropped the lid on the cake, and smooched the frosting flower. Maybe I need to clarify that it was a flower... would that make the para make more sense.

Frosting flower makes more sense to me, but maybe I'm being too picky.


Great series!!

Anne

[ella]

Thanks!