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Post by kangaroobee on Mar 9, 2011 21:18:29 GMT -5
Too Many Suitcases
Matthew is so excited to be going on holiday with Granny and Grandad, but they all overlook one detail - they have too many suitcases. The hilarity escalates with each attempt to solve the problem. Matthew cannot miss out on his holiday with Granny and Grandad. In the end they walk to the car wearing their swim suits over their clothes while two chimps carry the suitcases.
Catherine Johnson
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Post by bnlippy on Mar 9, 2011 23:23:07 GMT -5
This sounds adorable. What kid doesn't want to go on a trip, especially with their grandparents? Have you thought about adding some of the details on their attempts? It might add the extra bit of intrigue that could really draw an editor in. Maybe list one or two as a tease. And where do the chimps come from?
This could be one of those hilarious stories I read to my 7 yr old and the two older ones would want to listen too.
Good Luck!!
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Post by ladyjai on Mar 10, 2011 9:14:37 GMT -5
Catherine, Personally, I do not think you should be giving away the ending. In your second sentence, maybe specify that Matthew is the one attempting to solve the problems and between his grandparents and him acting out the solutions, chaos and giggles unfold? May be my personal preference, and the fact I know the story!  |
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Post by Buried Editor on Mar 10, 2011 9:33:56 GMT -5
For a one paragraph summary, you don't have to give away the ending like you do in a full page summary, so the option is up to you. I agree with Lady Jai that making it clearer that Matthew is the problem-solver (not the whole family) and like BNLippy suggested show a an example or two. I think that would make for a very strong, very fun paragraph.
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Post by kangaroobee on Mar 10, 2011 13:38:28 GMT -5
Wow thanks everyone, great advice!  |
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Post by nolagirl on Mar 12, 2011 18:09:15 GMT -5
I agree with all the above summaries, and would love to have one concrete example of how he attempts to solve the problem.
On a side note, I just had my "lost" suitcases delivered to me a few minutes ago, so I think this story would be hilarious to read.
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Post by kangaroobee on Mar 17, 2011 14:46:25 GMT -5
Thank you Nolagirl, I have some great examples in there now and have in fact subbed it.
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