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Post by ladyjai on Mar 10, 2011 9:31:44 GMT -5
Since I got such good suggestions from the Facebook page, and I feel I've made my summary much better for Walter Bear, I am attempting my picture book work in progress. Hope you don't mind. "Grawlix" is one of the possible names...what do you all think?
also, I wanted to ask if anyone has started an idea for a particular type of book, to have it morph into another type of book (i.e. starting a picture book and have it morph into a chapter book?)
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"Beware the Grawlix" is a XXX word picture book. Ben's favorite clothes are always shrinking. His mother tells him it's normal and that he's a growing boy. He does not believe her. Ben decides to go on a quest to find the true reason his clothes keep shrinking. Each night, he vows to stay up all night, only to fall asleep. Finally, one full moon'ed night, Ben manages to meet the ones responsible, but another problem arises...convincing his parents.
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Post by Buried Editor on Mar 10, 2011 9:42:42 GMT -5
Right now your title "Beware the Grawlix", makes me instantly think of the Beware the Jabberwocky line from Lewis Carroll, so part of me expects the kind of foreboding that poem has. Depending on how you write the actual PB, this could work quite well. The various mysterious things happening could be told kind of foreboding, but not so scary as to terrify the reader.
The actual paragraph works as is although the sentences are a tad bit choppy. (Especially the "He does not believe her." one.)However, all of the information is there in a n interesting way.
As for your final question, sure I've seen it happen many times. When I write, the most common is for picture books to flip into short stories and back, but I've also had midgrades switch to teen that kind of thing. Editorially, I have asked people to rewrite stories into other types (most often picture books into chapter or midgrade novels.)
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Post by Ella on Mar 10, 2011 11:05:02 GMT -5
I'm glad you're happy with the Walter Bear pitch.  I like the last sentence a lot, but I agree: overall, it's choppy. Try mixing the order of and combining some of the info from the first several sentences. Again, like with your first attempt at Walter Bear, there's something promising here. Can't wait to see your next attempt. |
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Post by kangaroobee on Mar 10, 2011 15:07:08 GMT -5
Okay I'd ditch that first line and move it to the end where you can say 'My xxx word picture book is pasted below bla bla' and open with: Ben's favorite clotehs are always shrinking, but his mother tells him that's normal, he's just growing. Ben doesn't believe her and decides etc. Easy to weave best of existing lines into longer flowing ones. Can't wait to read this story!
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Post by bnlippy on Mar 10, 2011 22:31:45 GMT -5
I think the idea you propose is cute. I can see a child's confusion and a quest for answers. However, I too feel the sentences are too short (and I like short sentences). Because they are so short, it messes with the flow of words.
Good luck, I think it has potential.
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ella
New Member
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Post by ella on Mar 11, 2011 9:21:22 GMT -5
BN brings up an interesting point. It's not quite about the length of the sentences. LadyJai's sentences aren't THAT short. Shorter ones can work. Honestly. (Sorry to be putting you two under a microscope, by the way. It's just a common issue that's worth examining, and I'm using the example at hand.)
Sometimes it's about how much information is contained in each one. A sentence that makes five different points is bad. So is a sentence that makes half a point. That's why short sentences sometimes work, and sometimes sound choppy. ("Max is a cat. Max is black. Max is eating. He likes his food." -- ARGH!) But that's not what's wrong in this case either.
It does have to do with flow... but I'm not sure how to describe it (or show someone diagnose or fix the problem) beyond that...
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Post by ladyjai on Mar 11, 2011 13:16:45 GMT -5
I wonder if it may be because the story is only outlines, and not written that I have the problem summarizing?
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ella
New Member
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Post by ella on Mar 11, 2011 14:49:22 GMT -5
I'm having the same problem, so I'll go with that theory. Actually, I do tend to use a lot of the same words/phrases, often even opening of my manuscript for the summary, so it does make sense that it'd be easier to write once you have something to write from. (And, of course, you have a better sence of the flow and pacing of the story itself.) |
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